Simple and Audacious

· 681 words · 4m read . written Mar 12, 2016 . re-written Nov 28, 2017

In what format do I share my work background with you?

Should I list out my filmography here, with links to the few amateur films that I have made, and the many ambitious ones that I dream of often, but don’t work on, for fear of failure?

Do I tell you what software products I have built, companies and teams I have been a part of, and technologies I have learned over the years?

Or should I upload the pdf copy of my curriculum vitae?

Sorry yaar. I wouldn’t be able to do any of that.

I might at other online places, this diary though, is a more reflective, a more thinking aloud kind of place that I have.

So allow me to share a little background of my work background instead.

I was sitting down for my first public singing in Boston, because if I stood up people could see how bad I was trembling out of fear.

Almost Killed Myself

Mysteries of life are infinite and unfathomable. Not everything in your life will be full of joy. You will experience great loss and hurt in your journey.

I did.

Did you?

There came a time I wanted to end it all, the journey itself, and it wasn’t the first time, I remember I once thought about it as a kid, then much later in 2011, then again in 2012.

But this time, in 2014, the want to escape from life was stronger than anything I had ever experienced.

Stronger than first love.

Stronger than first political awakening.

It was as if there was a storm inside me. Not a good storm. I did not know how to contain it. I could not. I tried surrendering. I tried fighting. I tried hiding. Nothing worked. I was screaming inside. Those screams were not made of words or sounds. Something inside me was desperately trying to find a way to be calm again. The more it tried, the more the screaming grew, the more the storm grew. I just could not contain it. Sometimes I abrubtly started crying, and felt better afterwards. But the calm wouldn’t last long. The storms always came back.

Then after many months a mysterious voice whispered inside me. I don’t know where it came from.

It was very gentle and light.

“Just keep doing some simple and audacious things .. you will be fine”

There was something about that voice. Everything became calm again.

The storms inside me emptied.

It happened in a second, but it did not feel sudden.

I do not know how to describe that calm.

It felt as real as sleep.

And as reassuring and soothing as the Himalayas.

In that moment I knew, that I would not quit on life, not until I am 90, and I told myself that I would try to work for simple and audacious purposes.

The details of what my heart wanted to do took shape later.

Slowly.

Over many years.


List Of Work

Well Executed (1)

  • PureMistake.com

Incompleted (8)

  • Flirting With The Wrong Man
  • PhonePop
  • Work From Home

Experimental version done for now, will do it for real in future

  • __dash__ __dash__ Can't Run Matatu Business In Africa

Finished shooting in Kenya, editing to be done next.

  • राम चंद्र बेचारे सीता मैया से हारेे
  • Learning About America
  • Bidesi Band
  • New Money Teacher
  • Personal Network
  • Baahubali Parties
  • China. India. America.
  • Ayyeki and Mr Dronn
  • Can you buy love for 14 cents?
  • Personal Emojis
  • Git Goddess

Focus Now (2)

  • Mass gov software
  • Bitcoin Learning Board Game

Not Bad (4)

  • Amazon software
  • Innoraft team building
  • Aam Aadmi plunge
  • Acquia software

Haven’t Started (21)

  • The __dash__ Inside __dash__ __dash__
  • Unplanned __dash__
  • बुच्चकी के __dash__
  • Languages and __dash__
  • __dash__ Fantastic
  • कम __dash__ __dash__ शादी
  • The __dash__ __dash__ __dash__ Their Wedding __dash__ __dash__
  • बूढ़ा बूढ़ी __dash__ __dash__ __dash__ घूमेंगे
  • एम्बेसडर कार के शेहर में __dash__ __dash__ __dash__ हो गया
  • सुंदर __dash__
  • She Had __dash__ __dash__, But He Had __dash__ __dash__
  • __dash__ __dash__ लड़की
  • ऊँची बिल्डिंग का वॉच-मैन और __dash__ __dash__ __dash__
  • Culture __dash__ __dash__
  • __dash__ __dash__ FilmiGeek
  • Small Small __dash__
  • __dash__ __dash__ दुनिया तेरे लिये
  • तुम गले __dash__ __dash__, बस मुझे __dash__ __dash__
  • Monday __dash__
  • All __dash__ Meet
  • Pillow __dash__

After I Am 90 (1)

  • Rest in the Himalayas